I have wasted my life. Most of my Prime Years.
When I say I have wasted my life people often assume I have been sitting idle in my home, doing nothing but eating and playing video games all day. I realized that is the kind of person we all imagine as wasted potential.
But it quite was opposite for me, I have a full-time job, where I was a software engineer working till mid night, I was earning pretty good, everyone else around me were happy and proud of me.
But then I realized I have only been doing this for my family and for all the tons of money spent on my education, I asked myself would I do this if I were to go back to the past and choose this life again? The pay is exciting, but is it making me happy?
I would like to redefine wasting my life as spending most of your days doing something that you do not love .
If you are doing something solely because of money without an ounce of interest in the task, that is wasting potential.
There are 5 signs that I have identified in myself that helped me see how fucked up my life was:
I was always Procrastinating, and I had no plans for future.
All my life I thought I was a very lazy person, in fact most people in family do tease me occasionally that I am lazy, and I have come to believe that it is true.
Until I realized that, I was not lazy, I was just unmotivated, I had no plan for my future.
I just followed the path that I have been on without ever realizing that this path may not be for me, looking back, if I were to go back after all I this, I would not pick the course I did, I would not choose I the job I did, it made me want to quit my job as well.
I have always wanted known sub-consciously that I was on the wrong path, but I have wasted too many years trying to best and what I do rather than doing what I am best at.
I kept procrastinating and I have always been waiting for the right time instead of making it the right time.
If you are someone who does this, you are wasting your life and potential, evaluate your life before it is too late.
I cared too much about what people thought about me
I was not sure at what time I stopped living for myself and started living for people around me, even if they don’t criticize me, it did not matter, I hated putting myself in a position where they will be disappointed in me.
Initially I think this was only for my family, but I realized I do that with everyone and everything.
Realizing I have a very bad habits of putting others needs before mine, I people please very hard, and the worst part is the praise and appreciations from other may make me momentarily happy, but it fades, it leaves me wanting for more.
When I have started evaluating my life, I realized how much of my life is led by other, it is almost like I am just a shell of their thoughts.
If you feel relatable to what I just said, my friend, you have to stop this, you have to change, we have to change.
I used to dread getting out my bed
I used to wake up in the morning and instead of feeling energized, if I’m imagine the routine day and the work I had ahead, I felt drained instantly.
At the start, I thought that is just how it is for most people, work is just work. But I have been living only on weekends and vacations. Waiting for most of the year pass by me so that I can enjoy one week of my vacation.
I sed to go to office when I am sick so that I can use my sick days on a vacation instead.
Living like this felt normal because most of us are doing it, but just because it is normalized does not mean it is correct right?.
As I told, start of this year, I have decided to live my life on my own terms and find true peace, I have started to question everything that I am.
If you feel the same way, you are in the right place.
I was always unhappy
Does not matter if I got promoted or If I receive hike, the happiness was always momentary, mostly a one-day thing, once it is passed, I was always left feeling empty, as If I am stranger to myself.
I was filled with broken dreams, shattered thoughts, I was always chasing the next big thing, I don’t know, maybe something that will fill up the hole inside, the feeling of uncertainty, the guilt of wasting my life.
And living alone did not help either, as soon as I was alone, I was consumed by negative thoughts.
I was always picking upon hard tasks to validate myself thinking that I was capable of doing it all.
But maybe sometimes all we need is to slow down.
Feeling this way is your mind and body’s way of feeling you that you are in a wrong path, your reminder that your life is not satisfying to you.
Once I evaluated these things, I started enjoying my time living alone as well as I felt I was getting to know my self better.
I was binge eating emotionally
Binge eating! Another big indicator that my life is fucked up.
I have been naïve and been thinking to myself I am just a foodie or someone who really likes to eat or explore cuisines.
Until it has become a habit and daily need to eat my so-called comfort food, so that I feel better.
It took me too long to realize that binge eating and lost of emotional eating or eating disorders are just the problem but might be symptom of your wasted potential.
Most of us, feel dissatisfied in our lives, and food is something we all can look up to.
I used to fill up the dissatisfaction I felt by wasting my potential in life, and the guilt of not taking chances but eating tasty meals.
Conclusion
If you are also doing this, you are wasting your life and potential like me.
But let us acknowledge that realizing our mistakes and wanting to be better and work on ourselves is the first step to any success.
I urge you to not do the mistake of blaming yourself like I did, ha-ha, do not go down that road, you are going to have a long ride.
Just, focus on what you can do from now to look back at yourself in 2 years and admire your younger self.
I know I still have lot of things to improve, so, I have decided to start a Change life in 90 days challenge where I will be posting an article every single day of how to make habits, how to be disciplined and how to find purpose and work towards in in your life.
I hope you can join me along the journey.
